Pregnant with PCOS: The story of a fat woman being failed by the medical system
It has been a bit quiet around here, because I’ve been busy growing a tiny human inside of me. How mindblowing is that?
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for three years. Over the years I did so many pregnancy tests, I can’t stand the sight of them. My period has never been regular, so determining whether or not I’m “late” is just not easily done. But then, one December morning two years ago, there was a very faint positive line on one of those horrid sticks. I kept it quiet, not quite believing it myself. When I started bleeding a week later, in a way I had never bled before (I’ll spare you the more gory details) all I could do was sit on the loo and cry my heart out.
After that I tried to get some answers from my doctor. What had happened to me? Why was I not getting pregnant? Please, do some tests. So I went to the GP here in London and the only thing they told me was to lose weight. My BMI was too high to conceive according to them. No tests, no further investigations.
Next, I went to a private doctor, knowing that this can’t only be related to my weight. My body has changed many times since I’ve had my first period and my cycle has never been regular. Not even when I had a “healthy” BMI. This private doctor took £8,000 pounds from me only to give medication I should have never taken and advice on how to “not be a fat person”. Thanks, I’ve heard that advice my whole life.
To give some context here: I’ve been fat - and looked at as such - for most of my life. When I was younger my loved ones used to criticize my body all the time. Today I look back on photos from that time and I think how pretty I was and actually not that chubby. But from then on, I developed an eating disorder, using food to suppress my emotions. Whenever I was depressed, overwhelmed or felt isolated, I ate. Through therapy and starting to exercise for pleasure as well as my mental health, I learned to have a more positive relationship to food. But to be honest, I think you never completely shake an eating disorder.
The first time I seriously started to loose weight was when my father died. I was so caught up in grief and anxiety, even food didn’t make me feel anything positive. Instead, the only thing that helped was yoga and running. I lost some weight and felt good about myself, receiving so many compliments from everyone around me. Looking back on that time I think: Was I really so ugly before?
Then I moved to the UK and met the man who became my husband. The first man I was ever involved with who made me feel like my body was a treasure to be held. With him I’ve again gone through ups and downs of weight loss and weight gain but the way he looks at me has never changed. This, along with reading about body acceptance and self love, has helped me overcome most of my negative body image.
All of this to say, when the doctors told me my cycle was irregular because of my weight and that’s why I couldn’t get pregnant, I knew something was not right with that statement. After months of fighting the NHS system and pushing for further tests, I was finally diagnosed with a polycystic ovarian syndrome. PCOS affects many women and often goes undiagnosed. One of the biggest give-aways are irregular cycles. I could not believe that no doctor had ever come to this conclusion before. However I do remember how at my first ever visit to the German gynecologist, the doctor told me it would be difficult for me one day to have children. I wonder, did he already see the irregularities of my hormones that comes with PCOS? Did he even see cysts but didn’t tell me? Did he know what PCOS was back then? It is baffling to me how little modern medicine puts into studying female health beyond pregnancy. This needs to change!
PCOS also comes with the phenomenon, that you gain weight without really knowing why. There it was: Proof it wasn’t just my fault. This condition makes it harder for women to loose weight. It also makes it harder for women to conceive children. When I asked the GP what can be done about it they gave me a leaflet, shrugged their shoulders and sent me on my way. When I pushed to be seen by a fertility specialist they told me they‘d reject me based on my BMI.
Without any medical help, I started investigating myself. I started going to reflexology with a focus in fertility and started to learn more about my body, my hormones and my cycle. I started taking supplements like Inositol to tackle the PCOS, I changed my workouts from running to swimming, I started eating more protein and I eliminated as much stress as possible from my life. Just over half a year later I was pregnant. Without any weight loss and without any medical help. Just by following holistic advice on how to calm down my PCOS symptoms.
I am very grateful that this has happened for us. Mentally, we had given up on the thought of pregnancy and were starting to research how to adopt a baby. Either way, I know we will be great parents and it doesn’t matter how a child comes into our lives. But the medical system here in the UK but also in Germany has failed me, ever since my first period. I hope that by sharing these experiences, other women can recognize something and start advocating for their health. One by one I hope that we can change the way our health is studied. We need more research on female health, more support after certain diagnoses like PCOS or endometriosis and we need more empathy for women trying to make difficult choices under the weight of society’s expectations.
In the coming weeks and months I will share more of my journey as a fat pregnant person. I will share the highs and the lows and the struggles with the medical system. All in the hopes of helping other to gain more clarity on these things.
I am so happy to be pregnant and share this magical moment with the love of my life. I’m sending love to anyone trying to conceive and having to knock on closed doors, like I did. I see your struggle and I feel your grief. I hope you’ll find a way to become the parent you want to be and to receive the medical care you’ve been asking for. Keep advocating, I stand with you.